10 reasons Christian heaven would actually be hell - Salon.com
Most Westerners are at least vaguely familiar with the popular
Christian version of Heaven: pearly gates, streets of gold, winged
angels and the Righteous, with their bodies made perfect and immortal,
singing the praises of God forever. What’s surprising is how few people
have actually thought about what a nightmare this kind of existence
would be.Why This Heaven Would Be Hellish
To many
people the biblical description alone is enough to make Heaven sound
unappealing, especially if you add in the company of noxious public
figures like Pat Robertson, Mel Gibson, Sarah Palin, Ken Ham, or Anita
Bryant. (Why does God have such a bad marketing department?) But the
problem isn’t just bad company. The closer you look, the more the
Bible’s version of paradise seems like another version of eternal
torture. Let me spell it out.
1. Perfection means sameness. Much
of what makes life worth living is the process of learning and
discovery, growth and change. We delight in novelty and laugh when we
are startled by the unexpected. Curiosity is one of our greatest
pleasures, and growth is one of our deepest values and satisfactions. In
fact, our whole psychological makeup is designed for tuning in to
change, including our senses. When a sound is continuous, we mostly stop
hearing it; a static image on the eye registers as a blind spot. Even
art relies on imperfection and newness to create beauty or to trigger
our aesthetic sense.
By contrast, timeless perfection is static,
as Christians are reminded in the traditional hymn, “Immortal, Invisible
God Only Wise”:
We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree/And wither and perish but naught changeth Thee. In
the book of Matthew, Jesus commands, “Be ye perfect as your Father in
Heaven is perfect,” and in Heaven, supposedly, this ideal is finally
attained. The problem is, perfect means finished and complete. It means
there’s no room for improvement—for change and growth. Perfection is
sterile, in every sense of the word.
2. Your best qualities are irrelevant.If
everything is perfect, then many of the qualities we most value in
ourselves and each other become irrelevant. Compassion and generosity
are pointless, because nobody is hurting or in need of anything.
Forgiveness? Not needed. Creativity? Courage? Resilience? Decisiveness?
Vision? All useless. Sigmund Freud once said that mental health is the
ability to love and to work, but in the state of perfection both lose
their meaning. There is no need to create or produce, and little value
in offering our affection and commitment to another person who is 100
percent perfect and complete without us.
3. Gone is the thrill of risk.In
addition to loving and creating, some of life’s most exhilarating
experiences require risk: flying down a ski slope almost out of control,
jumping out of airplanes, racing cars, surfing, performing. The
adrenaline rush—the high—and the euphoria afterwards surge only because,
despite our skill and preparation, there was some chance we would fail.
4. Forget physical pleasures like food, drink, sleep, and sex. Does
the risen Jesus with his new and perfect body have a penis? Do angels?
Eating, drinking, or fornicating—each of these physical pleasures
depends on hunger of one sort or another. Ice water tastes most heavenly
when you are hot and thirsty. Falling asleep is most delicious when you
simply can’t stand to be vertical any longer. The reality is that our
bodies and brains are made for each other and optimized for life on this
planet where our pleasures are linked to survival.
To make
matters more complicated, we are predators in a complex web of life. The
eating that gives us so much sensory pleasure and sustenance
simultaneously destroys other lives and creates waste. Christians
disagree about whether there will be meals in Heaven. Some point to
“feasting” in the book of Revelation and
reassure foodies that eating and drinking will be part of paradise. But none dare speculate on the perfect slaughterhouse and sewer.
5. Free will ceases to exist. Some
Christians explain the presence of suffering and evil here on earth as
God’s way of creating creatures who would love him freely—by giving them
the option to reject him. But that is exactly the opposite condition
they predict in Heaven. In Heaven there is no sin, no option to sin, and
so, by Christianity’s own definition, no free will. (Some skeptics
point out that “love me or I’ll torture you forever” doesn’t exactly
create the conditions for genuine love either. Why, they ask, would a
god who wants love to be freely given threaten us with hell, even if it
existed? But that is a different article.) Philosophers and
neuroscientists debate whether free will is real or merely and adaptive
illusion. Either way, in the Bible’s version of Heaven, even the
illusion vanishes.
6. Ninety-eight percent of Heaven’s occupants are embryos and toddlers. Human reproduction is designed as a big funnel. Most fertilized eggs
die before implanting, followed by embryos and fetuses that self-abort, followed by babies and then little kids. A
serious but startling statistical analysis by
researcher Greg S. Paul suggests that if we include the “unborn,” more
than 98 percent of Heaven’s inhabitants, some 350 billion, would be
those who died before maturing to the point that they could voluntarily
“accept the gift of salvation.” The vast majority of the heavenly host
would be moral automatons or robots, meaning they never had moral
autonomy and never chose to be there. Christian believers, ironically,
would be a 1 to 2 percent minority even if all 30,000-plus denominations
of believers actually made it in.
The theological implications
are huge. Christian theologians typically explain evil by arguing that
this was the best of all possible worlds, the only way to create free
will and to develop moral virtues (like courage, compassion, forgiveness
and so forth), to make us more Christ-like and prepare us for Heaven.
But if we run the numbers, it appears that God didn’t need the whole
free will—sin—redemption thing to fill his paradise with perfect beings
because no suffering, evil, or moral freedom is actually required as a
prelude to glory.
The ratio of adults to embryos has social
implications as well. Pastoral counselors sometimes tell a women she
will get to apologize in Heaven to the fetus she aborted, which will be a
fully developed person there. As a psychologist, I don’t know what this
means, because the brain and mind, our individuality and identity—our
personhood—develop only via experience. Imagine if 98 percent of the
“people” around you had never made a decision or felt sorrow or
experienced anything akin to an adult conversation
. The company of Mr. Robertson starts sounding not so bad.
7. Gems and streets of gold define heavenly wealth and beauty.Our
desperate, goat-herding Iron Age ancestors may have yearned for the
trappings of royalty. They may have heard rumors of the gold and jewels
amassed by Pharaohs or kings or tribal warlords and wished the same for
themselves. Both greed and inequality are timeless, and the story of
King Midas has played out in countless variations over the millennia.
So, the fascination of the Bible writers with gold and precious stones
is understandable.
But let’s be honest. Their gem-encrusted
paradise is the product of limited imagination, an inability to dream
beyond the arts, technologies, and mythologies of their own culture. The
Bible’s version of paradise is like a velvet painting from a tourist
shop when compared to an alpine meadow or cloud forest or coral reef (or
when compared to a world that contains all three as Tracy Chapman does
in her song,
Heaven’s Here on Earth).
8. Take your pick of sadism or ignorance. One
of Heaven’s dirty little secrets is that it co-exists with hell. Or
maybe it isn’t a secret. Maybe it’s a perk. Some theologians have argued
that witnessing the torment of the damned will be one of the joys of
paradise. In the words of Puritan superstar Jonathon Edwards, who
preached a
whole sermon on the topic:
“When
the saints in glory, therefore, shall see the doleful state of the
damned, how will this heighten their sense of the blessedness of their
own state, so exceedingly different from it! When they shall see how
miserable others of their fellow creatures are, who were naturally in
the same circumstances with themselves; when they shall see the smoke of
their torment, and the raging of the flames of their burning, and hear
their dolorous shrieks and cries, and consider that they in the meantime
are in the most blissful state, and shall surely be in it to all
eternity; how will they rejoice!”
If we are to believe the earnest Christian hate mail that Bonnie Weinstein of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation has
compiled into a book, or “love letters”
read aloud by biologist Richard Dawkins (watching him struggle with the word
biatch is priceless!), at least some of the faithful can hardly wait for the show to start.
Many
Christians, to be fair, find this thought horrifying, and some teach
universal salvation or that evildoers are simply annihilated. But for
hell-believers the alternatives to gloating aren’t a whole lot better:
Either the faithful are blessedly blissfully indifferent to the endless
suffering of the damned, or their joy depends on them being unaware,
meaning ignorance is a condition of their eternal bliss.
9. Your celestial day (and night) job is to sing God’s praises. What
do the faithful do in Heaven? The same thing the angels do. They
worship God and sing his praises. The writer of Revelation even offers
us a sample song. In one passage, 24 elders “
fall before the one who
is seated on the throne and worship the one who lives forever and ever;
they cast their crowns before the throne, singing, “You are worthy, our
Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created” (Revelation 4:10-110).
As
one graduate of Evangel College (Assemblies of God) observed wryly,
“Having spent some time in N. Korea, where the incessant praise music
and propaganda were required and all-pervasive, I sometimes wonder if
the dynastic leaders there somehow lifted a page from an older
playbook.”
It has been said that the only god worthy of worship is
one who neither wants nor needs it. What are we to think of a deity who
creates the earth and her inhabitants—in fact the entire universe—so a
few bipedal primates, most of whom were never born, can spend an
afterlife in this posture of praise and adulation?
10. This Heaven goes on forever. Most
of us would prefer to live longer than the time allotted to us. Aging
sucks, and losing a loved one is one of the most painful wounds we can
experience.
But
forever? Forever is infinity. It never
ends. Think of the best possible experience you can imagine—your
favorite symphony or rock concert, the most beautiful place you’ve
traveled, the most intimate or intense sex ever, holding your child…any
one of them, stretched to infinity becomes unthinkable.
WHAT IS HEAVEN
The books of the New Testament were written at different times and for
different ends, which means they don’t always agree. Although Paul, in 1
Corinthians,
says that
Heaven is beyond imagining, other writers offer concrete details. The
popular version of Heaven today is a composite that comes from several
texts but relies heavily on the book of Revelation.
- Heaven is a real place. The writer of John puts these words in the mouth of Jesus, “In
my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so,
would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go
and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to
myself, so that where I am, there you may be also” (John 14:2-3NRSV). Some Christian leaders use verses from Old Testament prophets to pinpoint the location of Heaven, suggesting that it is somewhere beyond the North Pole.
- People in Heaven have bodies. The earliest Christian texts, the letters of Paul, suggest that the eternal body is pneuma or
spirit, but later New Testament writers inclined toward physical
resurrection of both Jesus and believers, though with renewed bodies.
This view was affirmed by Church fathers and
is now the predominant Christian belief. From this we get the
Evangelical belief that in the “End Times” bodies of believers will rise
up to Heaven in a Rapture. This belief in a bodily resurrection is
even used to explain why Christian women should keep their bodies “pure.”
- Trappings of wealth abound. Many
translations of the Gospel of John say that the dwelling places in
Heaven are mansions, which fits with other descriptions of heavenly
opulence. In the book of Revelation, the writer is taken in a vision to
glimpse Heaven for himself: “And the foundations of the wall of the
city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first
foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony;
the fourth, an emerald; The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the
seventh, chrysolyte; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a
chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst. And
the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one
pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent
glass.” (Revelation 21). God sits on an ornate throne,
and along with crowns, the heavenly hosts are clothed in white, a
symbol of purity and a reminder that they do not need to work.
- Heaven is eternal and reserved for believers. The Bible verse that is most quoted by Protestant Christians is John 3:16, which makes both of these points: For
God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who
believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. The author of Revelation assures that, “he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more” (Revelation 21:4). In this eternity, it is always light and there is no need for sleep.
- Children who die before an “age of accountability” also go there. Despite
the belief that children are born bad, thanks to “original sin,” many
Christians believe that children who die young go to Heaven because the
alternative is simply unthinkable. For evidence, they point to two
verses in the book of Matthew: “So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost” (Matthew 18:14). “But
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them;
for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs”
(Matthew 19:14). Although Christians have disagreed over the centuries
about when a budding human acquires an immortal soul, many now believe
this happens in the process of conception.
- Inhabitants spend their “time” serving and worshipping God. Even though it is always light, we are told that the saints (meaning the saved) will serve and worship God round the clock. For
this reason they are before the throne of God, and worship him day and
night within his temple, and the one who is seated on the throne will
shelter them (Revelation 7:15). Several passages suggest that the faithful will receive crowns, which they can then offer up as gifts to God. Some take this literally and some do not.
In their series of animated essays, The School of Life have contemplated what great books do for the soul, how to merge money and meaning, and what philosophy is for. Now comes a wonderful animation that builds on School of Life founder Alain de Botton’s book Religion for Atheists: A Non-believer’s Guide to the Uses of Religion (public library)